Thursday, January 29, 2009

Photostory Friday: Joy

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek


I was going to show you a picture of the fist size, bluish blob that has been wreaking havoc through our lives this week. 

But, I changed my mind.

Instead, I will tell you about joy.

Joy is not the same thing as happiness. It is a deeper and broader emotion. We feel joy like we feel sunlight, or softly falling rain. It surrounds us, and envelops us. It's effects linger, long after the cause has passed on.

Catastrophic events have a way of focusing our attention, of stripping away the non-essentials -- the things we thought were so important. So much that we thought we couldn't live without, suddenly seems superfluous, and meaningless. This past week has done that for me. 

I've been thinking about the things I can't live without. The things that truly bring me joy. The list is pretty small. 

I find joy in friends. I have always made friends easily, and I'm grateful for that. Friends get you through, when you have nothing left. 




I find joy in the beautiful things of the world, whether it's music, or art, or words or pictures --or the works of God's hand. I think beauty comes from within, from the soul -- each soul, and is left behind on the things that our lives come in contact with. 




But, mostly, I find joy in this little group.

They are my inspiration. 




They are my hope. 




They are my life. 




They are my greatest joy. 


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

An Update, and 365: Week 4

Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumor (GIST). 

That's what we call it. It's a very rare form of cancer, affecting only about 1% of cancer patients. We'll see an oncologist on Friday, and luckily for us we live in Utah. 

Utah has the Huntsman Cancer Institute -- one of the premier cancer research, and treatment facilities in the world. 

Honestly, now that it's out in the open, we both feel a weight has been lifted (one of them anway) -- at least we have a direction to move now. It seems to be a treatable disease, with surgery and medication -- we'll know more after Friday. But it seems to be unresponsive to Chemotherapy and radiation. My wife is not complaining about this part. 

We don't know what happens next, but we face forward, and we do whatever it takes to beat this uninvited monster. 

Now, to all of you: Thank you for everything. Your words, your prayers, and your thoughts have kept us going these last few days, and they will see us through the end of this. 

I can barely see the screen now. My eyes are blurry. Hope is very powerful. Love is very strong.

You have given us both, and there are no words to express my -- our -- gratitude.

My stupid eyes won't stop watering. 



365: Week 4
What a difference a day makes...


Day 22


January 22: An old friend. I am a big Star Wars fan -- at least of the original movies. They have always been a part of my life. And I was on the ground floor of the Star Wars Merchandise collecting phenomenon. I had ALL of the figures. And almost everyone of them suffered an ignominious fate at my hands (those hands were usually holding a golf club). But C3PO here is original. He was from the very first wave of Star Wars toys in 1977. I have no idea how I've managed to hold on to him so long. Probably because he gets lost for several years at a time. There's a very old Stormtrooper around here somewhere too...


Day 23


January 23: The day that changed my life. My wife went to the hospital for what we thougt was an ulcer, and instead, we were told "It looks like Lymphoma." That turned out to be not quite right. That night my wife stayed in the hospital, my kids were at my in-laws, and I headed home to the empty house, with the task of breaking the news to everyone. I felt dark all over, and almost stopped taking pictures right there. Instead, I took a shot of the blackest thing I could find -- the shirt I was wearing. 


Day 24


January 24: At the hospital. Sharon has always maintained that Matthew is her best snuggler. Both of them needed this.


Day 25


January 25: This was how I spent my weekend -- driving to and from Ogden Regional Medical Center. This was about as clear as it got -- in fact, Friday night, as I tried to see my wife, it was so foggy that I could not find the hospital -- and I know RIGHT where it is. I snapped this out the front window of the van. Whatever it takes to keep the streak going.


Day 26


January 26: A sight I rarely get to see. Emma has Kindergarten in the afternoon, so I don't very often get to take her to school. She won't let me walk her to the door. She's a big girl. So I stood out by the van and took pictures of her, with my zoom lens. I wonder if I made the ladies in the office nervous?


Day 27


January 27: White Salvation. We can breathe again. The only good thing about snow this time of year is that it clears out the smog and the inversion (Salt Lake had the worst air in the country all of last week -- what an honor!). That bright shiny thing that you can see through the tree is the sun. At least I think that's what they used to call it. It been so long...


Day 28


January 28: A diagnosis. And life goes on. Two weeks ago, I told you that Jordan, my oldest, had moved on in the Reflections contest at school, from the school level, to the district level. Tonight she moved on to the Regional competition. Have I mentioned how proud I am of her?

Drop by next week. It's got to be better than this one. 

Right?






Sunday, January 25, 2009

Good People

Uncertainty.

We don't know what's coming in the next few days. The doctors still say the mass in Sharon's stomach looks like cancer, but they are a little baffled that the CT scan came back showing only the one mass. Considering the size (about fist sized) they fully expected it to have spread in to other parts of her body. It hasn't. I don't know what that will mean, but right now we're taking it as a positive. But, come what may, we are coming to at least some level of acceptance, that we may have to build our lives around this for at least the foreseeable future. The reason we are able to do that is because of each of you. 

Sometimes, when you stare into the darkness, you can't see anything else around you. But, when your world comes crashing down, you find -- I have found -- that there are so many people out there to bear you up. Thank you to each of you for your prayers and kind thoughts on behalf of my little family. I beg you to continue. 

I have an old friend who is going through a very similar situation right now. She asked why bad things happen to such good people. I'll tell you what I told her:

I don't know why bad things happen to good people. I suppose bad things happen to everyone. But, I believe that it's the good people that get us through the tough times. 

There are a lot of good people out there. 

I know, I've heard from so many of you. 

Thank you.
 

Friday, January 23, 2009

I don't know what to do

Four words can change your life.

She is sitting there, having just been brought back into the room, after the procedure. Nurses are poking and adjusting and monitoring. She looks at me and whispers "They think it's Lymphoma."

How do I put on a brave face? I didn't expect that. I didn't even know it was a consideration.

My wife went to the hospital today with fatigue and shortness of breath and stomach pain. After many hours, she finally had the endoscopy. What we expected was some kind of intestinal bleeding -- an ulcer. Instead the doctor came back with a picture of a fist size mass attached to the lining of her stomach. He thinks it's Lymphoma. We'll know by Wednesday, when the biopsy results are in.

I've been trying to learn something, anything I can. I can't figure any of this out.

One word changes so much.

I don't know what to do.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Photostory Friday: Guitar Lessons

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek


For Christmas, when I was in the seventh grade, my Grandmother gave me a guitar. Up to that point in my life, I had no interest in anything musical (other than the radio, and that doesn't count). The next year I took a semester of guitar lessons -- the only formal musical education I've ever had. I learned three chords, and that, until you develop calloused fingertips, it hurts to play a steel string guitar. And that's about it. 

In the twenty or so years since that time, I have been trying, with varying degrees of success, to teach myself to play this instrument. I am not a great guitar player, by any stretch of the imagination, but I've always wanted to play the guitar. Girls dig guitar players. 




I'm in a philosophical mood tonight, so I'm going to tell you the three things I've learned, from trying to play the guitar. 

I've learned that talent is not enough, usually you have to work.

God gives each of us many abilities, but I view talent as potential, behind a locked door. Work is the key to open that door. When you took piano lessons, it was called practicing. I come from a musical family, but for many years I believed that that gene had skipped a generation. Then one day, on impulse, I bought a piano (the same way we bought our house -- aren't we shrewd shoppers?). I thought I should teach myself to play (I would not recommend this method to most people) and I did. I am, by no means, a virtuoso of any kind, but the piano came very easily to me, and I discovered that I had a knack for playing by ear. This turned out to be a fluke. I thought that since the piano had been such a breeze, that surely I could master the guitar. 

Not so. 

I've been trying to play now for twenty years, and only when I practice regularly, and with real intent, do I progress at all.





I've learned that quality matters. 

Doing something just right -- craftsmanship that gets it right, no matter the time or the cost, has always been high on my list of human virtues (if not on my list of accomplishments). I've owned several guitars over the years, from pawn shops to online stores, and from everywhere in between. Each instrument has cost more than the one before it. Each has also been a higher quality instrument than its predecessor. It's quite amazing how much better a sub-average guitar player sounds on a well made instrument. 



I've learned the need for constant tuning. 

Unlike a piano, a guitar should be tuned each time it is played. All the plucking and picking and playing, and even sitting idle, causes the instrument to go out of tune. Usually (unless you have kids) it will only go out of tune by almost imperceptible degrees. But, left unchecked, over time the notes become too sharp, or too flat, and one day you find that you're no longer making music.

You're just making noise. 

But, daily attention, and minor adjustments, keep the instrument in tune, and sounding beautiful. 

 


A voice way back in the cluttered recesses of my mind is telling me that I should apply these lessons elsewhere. 

Life is funny. 

I never learned much from my guitar instructor, but the guitar itself turned out to be a pretty good teacher. 


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

365: Week Three

If this past week were any more thrilling, I would have had to take two pictures everyday.

Day 15


January 15: The time I hate above all others. Six o-clock in the morning is when my alarm goes off. It's when I have to get up, Monday thru Friday. It's when my dreams end. (I had no idea how hard it was going to be to take a picture of a digital clock -- it took me five minutes to take this picture!)


Day 16


January 16: In Utah this week, we have had the worst air quality in the country. That's saying something. Why? The dreaded inversion. This is a winter phenomenon where a high pressure sits over the Salt Lake Valley, and forces all of the air pollution  to stay put. It also forces all of the cold air to stay in place, thus the inversion: it's actually warmer up at the ski resorts and the Sundance Film Festival than it is in the valley. Air pollution is kind of pretty, isn't it (the sun is about to set behind mountains -- yeah, they're still there). By later in the week the sun was red. Very biblical. 

Day 17


January 17: Why is it that my favorite jeans always become the most comfortable, right before they disintegrate? 

Day 18


January 18: This is what I spend my Sundays doing -- ironing (well, and making pancakes). Apparently I've been going a little heavy on the starch, lately. 

Day 19


January 19: I couldn't decide between this shot and one of the big pink stain on the carpet, where Emma tipped over a can of "Sleeping Beauty Pink" paint, that her mom was using to paint a pink wall in Emma's room. I opted for this one of Emma's newest tooth loss, because that grin makes me shake my head in a good way. Unlike the pink blob, which just makes me shake. 

Day 20


January 20: Do you know what the best part about being a grown up is? I can eat my cookies anytime I want to -- even BEFORE my dinner! Don't tell my mom, okay?


Day 21


January 21: Looking for beauty in an ugly place. I realize that if I am going to take a picture every day, some of them are going to have to be at work, so I thought I had better see if there was anything worth looking at. One byproduct of the Inversion that we're stuck in, is that we end up with quite a bit of fog, and fog causes frost to coat everything. Once the sun comes up, you have beauty -- even at work. 


See you next week!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Things We Do Right



Inauguration Day.

This is a great day for America.

I don't want to talk about politics or parties right now. I don't want to discuss pettiness and differences. Not now.

This is a moment to be treasured by all those who love liberty. Today is the day that all the world stands up and takes notice. This is America's finest hour. This is the bedrock of the American Experiment.

Barack Obama was sworn in today as the 44th President of the United States. He is the first man, of African American decent, to rise to this office. It is a major step forward in the writing of the story of America. The United States of America is one step closer to realizing the truth of it's founding declaration -- that all men are created equal. It is a day long in coming, and a day worthy of rejoicing.

But that's not what I am talking about.




There was a phrase spoken today -- over and over again -- that cannot be overused: The peaceful transference of power.

The United States is a kaleidoscope of opinions, and colors and ideas. We don't always see eye to eye with each other. Often we vigorously disagree with one another. We all have thoughts as to which direction our nation is going -- and where we think it should go. Sometimes we speak civilly to one another, sometimes we scream and yell. That's our right.




Sometimes the person who stands at our head is someone we agree with, sometimes they are not. But that person serves at the discretion of the people of the United States of America. And he -- and someday soon hopefully, she -- goes into office knowing that, in no more than eight years, he will step aside for the next president -- often a person with vastly different views than himself.




We have done this forty four times in a row now. Do you know how remarkable that is? No guns, no cannon, no threats, no blood.




It is done in an instant.

With an Oath and a Handshake.

God Bless America.