Friday, March 22, 2013

To my wife


Here we are again. You sleeping in a hospital bed, wires and monitors all around you, me sitting in the darkened room, watching you.

Wishing I was in your place.

Wishing it wasn't always you in that bed.

We've been here before. This time it was your gall bladder. I've watched over you through kidney infections. I've watched diabetes take its toll. I've watched you battle cancer. I've watched you sacrifice your body to bring life to our little family.

Always it's you. Always it's your body that bears the scars. Always it's you in the bed.

It's trite to say it, but if I could take your place, I would have done it every time. I feel helpless at times like this. You're so capable and strong, and the only time you can't take care of yourself all I can do is sit and watch. And feed you ice chips.

No one signs up for a life of needles and scars and hospital rooms. Life is a spin of the roulette wheel, and what you get is never a certainty at the beginning. But you bear your burdens with so much grace. And I know you think you are weak, but you are not. No one fights a battle without getting scarred, but scars are a sign of healing.

Every scar on your body is a victory.

And I love every one of them.

Every stitch and scar on your body means another chance for me to try again to love you better than I have before. In this darkened room, the only light is on your face. The face I fell in love with nineteen years ago. You're peacefully resting now. You've earned it.

When I fell in love with you I imagined being able to always care for you. I thought I could shoulder every burden, and carry you through life as my queen. Reality has taught me that I am not in charge, and sometimes I have no choice but to stand and watch. But I can promise you that every time you look up from the bed, I'll be there. When you awaken, the first touch you feel will be my hand in yours. Always. I promise.

If I could take your pain, I would take it all.
But I would leave your scars. They tell a story of life and love and sacrifice. They make you royal.
And I love every one of them.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

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