Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Things I did once: #10 (the things I do for you)


Recently, my wife was making Oreo bon bons, which require freezing between the various stages of composition. This was accomplished on a metal pan, which came out of the freezer with a nice, frosty coating.

Well....

I'd always wondered...


I'd always heard...

...that if I stuck my tongue to a frozen metal object...

Well, you know where I'm going, I won't leave you in suspense. My tongue stuck to the pan. Really stuck.

Why, you're asking, would I do this?

The answer is simple: research (because, you've always wondered too).

So what's it like?


First of all, it kind of hurts -- depending on how much of the tongue you get stuck on there.

Secondly, you can have the driest mouth in the world, but as soon as your tongue is immobilized, your salivation glands kick in full force, and you begin to drool all over everything.

Third, you cannot speak (try talking while holding on to your tongue) -- everything comes out sounding like "lagalagalagalagalagalagalaga."

Or, when you start to panic: "LAGALAGALAGALAGALAGA!!!!"

Your children come in the room, and immediately start calling friends.

Your spouse barely bats an eye (it's like she's seen this before) -- notice, no one is rushing to get you any warm water, to extricate yourself from the frozen pan, and the growing puddle of drool.


Basically, the universe conspires against you, to make you look like the biggest idiot anyone has ever seen.

Eventually, you free youself from the situation, but understand -- no matter how careful you are -- you will leave a little of yourself behind.

And that, dear readers, is what happens when you stick your tongue to a frozen metal object.

Know that I do not do these things for the glory.

I do them for you.

21 comments:

Emily said...

Haven't you ever seen Dumb and Dumber!? Or do you just prefer to learn from experience only. ;)

Corey~living and loving said...

pishsaw...that is nothing...even I've done that.


tee hee

Linda said...

Does the male species ever grow up?

Camily said...

Funny! I have never done that. What is it about people that now I want to do it? Weird.

kris... said...

It's just one of those things people insist upon trying... not that I ever have (ha!). I recall my nephews sticking theirs to the bumper of the car once... that was exciting.

Sheri Stewart said...

Uh....huh....I did something like this when I was 8....not 28 (or however old you are ;) ).

Aaron said...

You're dumb.

Emmy said...

Lol! Well thanks for doing it for us. Glad you are willing to sacrifice :)

Heidi said...

I can't believe you actually posted it!!!
That was awesome! And I have to second Linda's comment.
But the drool thing was disgusting. I have an issue with spit and that made my skin crawl.
;\

Heidi said...

Hey, congrats on getting so many of your photos in the final favorites on the photo hunt!
Have you gone to look at them yet?

Cecily R said...

Warm water, dude. That's the cure for a stuck tongue. Works everytime. And yes, I've had to use said cure more than once.

Julie Brooks said...

Ha ha....this story had me laughing. Especially at the fact that you knew what was going to happen, but you had to know for sure...as an adult! Love it...and the fact that nobody in your house seemed to care! =) Thanks for the giggle. I hope not too much of your tongue was left behind, but if it were, you asked for it! =D

Carol said...

Oh... the pain! I think everyone tries that one, but only once in their life time. Your posts are so funny and enjoyable to read.

Momisodes said...

LOL!

Now...about those Oreo bon bons....any chance for a recipe?

Krystyn said...

Seriously....you are a true scientist. Only the best experiment on themselves!

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Yep..men NEVER grow up. Ever.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh Chris...

Suzanne said...

Forget the tongue part - I want the recipe for oreo bon bons!! ;)

CDB said...

What, no picture?! (: Glad you made it through to tell the tale.

MomOf4 said...

I grew up on Iowa. Every winter at least one of my classmates would stick his tongue to a piece of playground equipment. And yes it was always a boy!

Honey Mommy said...

Hey thanks! Now I can refer my boys to this post and they will never have to try it either.