Sunday, November 4, 2007

Whatever happened to...

The answer to this question is probably no, but have you ever wondered what happened to the Peanuts Gang, after they grew up? These are things that I think about. I was watching the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special last night -- because, I like it, that's why -- and after watching Lucy pull the football out from under Charlie Brown (by the way, why is he the only one who is constantly referred to by his full name? At least three other characters have established last names -- Sally (Brown), Linus and Lucy (Van Pelt), I think Peppermint Patty is just a first name), I wondered if they ever ended up as a couple. After much (way too much) consideration, I believe the answer is no.
Let's have a look at Charlie Brown, and the women of the peanuts universe. First we have to rule out Sally -- she's his sister, and we're not going any further with that. Next up -- Violet. A peripheral character, Violet is, in temperment, nearly a carbon copy of Lucy -- high maintinence and bossy. She's never had any tolerance for Charlie Brown, but she is a prime candidate for Karma. I see her hooking up, in the end, with PigPen - another character on the outer circles of the Peanuts Gang. They have a happy family (PigPen does finally clean up), but Violet is a bit of a desperate housewife.
Now, what about Lucy herself? At first this seemed like the obvious answer, she being the alpha female of the gang and Charlie Brown the dominant (?) male figure. But, alas, it was not to be. Charlie Brown only tolerates Lucy because of his friendship with Linus. And you can only call someone a blockhead so many times before it does irreparable damage. Besides, Lucy had a thing for Schroeder, who secretly felt the same way, but his dedication to his music got in the way until Lucy took up the digereedoo and the couple made their fortune by performing unique duets throughout the midwest. Ultimately, they ended up in the same neighborhood as Violet and Pigpen (who became a famous archeaologist).
The Little Red Haired Girl. Charlie Brown, pined away for years for this firey haired beauty, but he never had the nerve to take the next step. After elementary school, she was out of his life, though not out of the spotlight. Her parents enrolled her in singing classes, where she excelled and became an over night sensation in her early teen years, which propelled her into a breakout television role playing Flo on the sitcom "Alice". In the end, the pressure of living the Hollywood lifestyle was too much and she joined a convent in St. Paul.
The one character who unquestionably had a crush on Charlie Brown, was Peppermint Patty, and she just assumed that Chuck felt the same way. It turns out that he just wanted to be friends. When he finally revealed how he truly felt about her, Peppermint Patty (being the undisputed jock of the gang - if not the brightest - she always thought Snoopy was just a real quiet, but effective shortstop) beat the crap out of Charlie Brown. Eventually, they smoothed things over and always maintained a strong friendship. Peppermint Patty went on to play major league baseball, leading her expansion team, the New Mexico Cacti, to the World Series. On a publicity tour, following the World Series win, she met a professional bowler named Baby Ruth and they lived out their days, happily, in a penthouse overlooking Central Park in New York City.
By process of elimination we are now left with the best, if not at first the obvious choice for a companion to Charlie Brown -- Marcie. Spending much of her early years in the shadow of Peppermint Patty, Marcie blossomed, in her teenage years, into a confident, and sometimes opinionated, but always fair, writer. She had always secretly had a crush on the round headed boy, whom only she called Charles. Charlie Brown, failed to notice her awkward affection until after the blow up with Peppermint Patty. That next summer, at camp, Charles and Marcie were both assigned to the camp newspaper --she as a writer, he as a photographer -- and the rest was history. The Browns were married in a small, but nice wedding ceremony, and lived out their early married life in relative obscurity, Marcie working on the local paper and Charlie Brown taking several mid level management jobs, until he finally made his breakthrough as a child and wedding photographer. They live happily, but modestly, in a small community in northern Utah two doors down from Charlie Brown's little sister Sally, and her husband Linus Van Pelt PhD.
As for the rest of the gang, Snoopy finally got the Red Baron, Woodstock became a political speech writer. And as for all of those "Wah wah" speaking, but unseen adults...they all boarded the mother ship and went back to their home planet, as they were obviously aliens, judging by the size of the heads of their children.

No comments: