Monday, June 7, 2010

A frank discussion about sex. And praying mantises.

Do you know what the female praying mantis does after mating with the male praying mantis?

She bites his head off, and eats him! I guess you can't say she sacrifices a virgin, but it's pretty darn close!

Which begs two questions?

Does he realize what's about to happen to him? 

And is it worth it?

The answer to both of those questions is: He's a guy.

Have you ever noticed that males think about sex constantly?

This is not a stereotype. We really do. It's not always in the forefront of our minds (contrary to popular belief), but it's always lurking somewhere just off stage. The problem is, although intellectually we know the truth, biologically we believe that each time we have sex may just be our last. And that's pretty hard to bear. So we think that if we just hint and remind and constantly bring it up, then you (the female) will not forget about sex.

We're pretty sure you will otherwise.

It's rather humiliating, but the alternative is unthinkable.

As a sexually driven male (is there another kind?) our Praying Mantis friend is likely pretty stupid. This is what happens when the limited amount of blood in your body spends it's time some place other than your brain. But he has to wonder what ever happened to some of his buddies.

"You know, I haven't seen Frank around much, since he hooked up with Wilma. And Jerry hasn't come by since he met that hot little Tenodera Aridifolia Sinensis number. And Bobby...hey, wait a minute...something's going on here..."

But, before he can figure it out, She walks by. And his fate is sealed.

And even if he knew what she would do to him, he would still make his move. I would bet my last dollar on it.

Why you ask?

Because it's going to be the BEST.SEX.OF.HIS.LIFE!!

Yep. It's late. And I'm tired.

(But, I'm never too tired for sex. Let me be clear about that)


Aaron said...

Wow....there isn't the usual flood of blogies saying how much they admire you and think your are so thoughtful....

....I admire you....and yes, you are very thoughtful.

Best line...."The problem is, although intellectually we know the truth, biologically we believe that each time we have sex may just be our last"

....I am pretty sure it may never happen again....

Kat said...

Thanks for the laugh this morning. Too funny. And spot on! :)

{krista} said...


Emily said...

Sounds like someone might have had a little too much root beer last night. ;)
My husband and I have had conversations about praying mantis before. If you have to go, that's the way to go. (the sex part, not the decapitation part).

Kelly Deneen Raymond said...

While this is not the normal post from you, I love it. ha! The illustrations are perfect too.

I suppose it IS the best sex of their life since it is the only sex! Or if they have bad sex maybe they don't lose their heads?

Corey~living and loving said...

lol could be the BEST post I've ever read! :)

Holly said...

Awesomeness. You know, I've read that the females may actually eat their mate right in the middle of the act. Now that's just cold.

Emmy said...

Love it!! I seriously go away from you blog for a week and look at all of these awesome posts.