The perfect roasted marshmallow

Sitting in front of the fire pit, contemplating the perfect roasted marshmallow...

Here's the breakdown, so far, family member by family member:

Emma: Put it in the fire until it burns and falls off. Repeat.

Matt: "Take a marshmallow, and put it on whatever marshmallow roaster you have. Then you want to stick the marshmallow over some hot coals. No flames, so it doesn't burn. Then slowwwwwwwwwly twist it, to make sure every part is golden brown. Once you have that you pull the marshmallow back and enjoy. Unless the marshmallow is on fire. That's not as enjoyable." Repeat.

Jordan: Stick it in the flames until it is a raging ball of molten sugar, then pull it out and bring it way too close to your face as you try to blow it out. Flaming marshmallow attaches to your bottom lip. Fling it around hysterically and try to get burning marshmallow on as many family members as possible. Try NOT to repeat.

Sharon: See Matt's version. Let the marshmallow just start to bubble. The bubble is the thing. When the bubble appears, perfection is near.

Chris: Untwist hangers because marshmallow roasters are MIA. Place marshmallow on skewer and stick in fire. Help kids with their marshmallows, forget about yours. It burns. Place another marshmallow on skewer, place in fire. Dodge Jordan's flaming projectile. Marshmallow burns. Place ANOTHER marshmallow on skewer, place in fire. Get mesmerized by the flames. Marshmallow burns. Eat it anyway.

Hmmm...

Repeat.

Photostory Friday: 13 Things I Hate About My Son

Hosted by Cecily and Lolli
Thirteen things I hate about my son.

Matthew turned thirteen today and, frankly, I'm not very pleased about this fact, and here are the thirteen reasons why:

1. I hate that Matt is so easy going and even keeled. Nothing bothers him. Ever. And it constantly reminds me that I worry too much about everything.

2. I hate that Matthew's smile is going to attract a lot of pretty girls. Don't we have enough girls around this place?

3. I hate that Matt is just plain cooler than I will EVER be.

4. I hate that Matt lives in a world, where evil is bigger and scarier than anything anyone has ever seen.

5. I hate that Matthew's example of unconditional love can't be felt by more people. He makes loving anyone look like child's play.

6. I hate Matt's smelly feet. No, seriously, I HATE his stinky, odor of death, rotten, if-they-were-mine-I'd-self amputate, disgusting feet.

7. I hate Matt's friends. They are so loyal. So noble. They make the rest of us look like amateurs.

8. I hate that Matt will do anything I ask him to -- one of these days it's going to get us both in trouble.

9. I hate that on our last hike, Matthew finally outpaced me. It doesn't mean I'm slowing down. It DOESN'T!

10. I hate that Matt has no qualms whatsoever about dropping everything to play catch with me. I could get more accomplished if he wasn't so accommodating. When your son is one of your best friends, it's just WAY too easy to go and play, when you should be doing more important things like......well, I can't think of anything more important right now....

11. I hate that my dad never knew Matthew. I feel my dad watching, when my son and I play basketball, and I know he hates not being here too.

12. I hate that I will never be as powerful an example of all that is right and noble and good to Matthew, as he always will be to me.

13. I hate that for thirteen years -- since the day he unexpectedly arrived five weeks early, since the day we brought him home from the hospital with an oxygen tube taped to his giant cheeks, since the day that he took his first steps (when he FINALLY got around to it), since the days he had to repeat everything Buzz and Woody said before he went to sleep, since the first time he was able to throw a football across the entire yard, since the day he scored his first soccer goal, since the day we saw BYU comeback and beat Utah  State, since his voice began to change, since his feet got bigger than mine, since I realized that I don't think I could go more than a couple of days without his smile and the warmth he brings to our home -- I've known that as the years go by, eventually we'd get to the point where he was closer to leaving than staying.

I hate that.

Clowns Vomiting Rainbows (and nursing school)

My best friend, Aaron, is a nag.

Nag, nag, nag, nag NAG!

A couple of years back, Aaron awarded my blog what he considers to be a very prestigious award.

Here it is:

And he has been NAGGING me ever since to post it on my blog.

The idea that my blog causes clowns to vomit rainbows may seem like a strange way to compliment me, it may even seem like an insult...but that's because you don't know Aaron.

I do know Aaron, maybe better than anyone on this planet, and I know that this is his way of saying that my blog brings joy and enlightenment to all who read it.

That my words and pictures are so FULL of color and beauty that people (and clowns) can't help but consume them until they can, literally, contain no more joy and beauty within the physical space of their bodies and, therefore, they have no choice but to erp up good old Roy G. Biv.

I understand all of this and, truth be told, I'm very flattered. I'm so flattered, in fact, that I have waited for the opportune moment to post this award.

That moment has arrived.

Aaron graduates from nursing school tomorrow.

Aaron graduates from nursing school tomorrow, at age 39.

Aaron graduates from nursing school tomorrow, at age 39, which he attended while still working full time.

Aaron graduates from nursing school tomorrow, at age 39, which he attended while still working full time, AND also scrounging up the money to pay for it.

Aaron graduates from nursing school tomorrow, at age 39, which he attended while still working full time, AND also scrounging up the money to pay for it, AND being the father of nine kids (along with his amazing wife Catey).

I could tell Aaron I am proud of him. I could tell him that he is an inspiration. I could tell him that I am in AWE of him!

But nothing says ALL of those things quite like a prism puking clown.

So, Aaron, after all this time, finally I am posting your major award AND handing it right back to you!

You, sir, make clowns vomit rainbows!!

Congratulations!

State of the Psyche

(I like the title of this post so much, I may make it a regular feature)

So, you want to know what I think? You must, you're here.

Both of you.

Well, I'll tell you.

(Don't say I didn't warn you)

I think we're pretty lucky to live here on the Earth -- scientists say that we're arrogant for thinking we're anything special when, in fact, we are an insignificant speck in the vast universe. To which I say, show me one other known place in that universe that contains ANY life at all. It may be out there, but we haven't found it yet. I'd say life makes us very significant.

I think someone ate one of the cookies that my kids gave me for Father's Day. It wasn't me. I don't think they got those cookies for me.

I think Microsoft's new tablet is going to bomb.

I think the Avengers was a great movie.

I think if they ever actually make a Justice League movie, it will crash and burn.

I think love and falling in love and being in love are all different things --and of the three, love is the most important.

I think I can't watch a musical water fountain without smiling.

I think laying on your back on the trampoline, on a warm summer evening, and staring into the face of time itself, is more fun than staining the fence.

I think Mark Twain is the voice of America. Or at least he should be.

I think Henry David Thoreau was a blowhard, more impressed with his own brilliance than anyone else, full of opinions about things he never experienced, and I can't read more than three fourths of anything he wrote, without wanting to slap him, and tell him to get a real job.

I think "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" looks very interesting.

I think I'm a little embarrassed to have written that last sentence.

I think I'm ready to turn forty.

I think forty is the new twenty...ish.

I think my daughter's summer plan to "Make a Rainbow" makes me so happy that I get a little misty eyed.

I think rainbows are wonderful, and I wish they hadn't be co-opted for political purposes. Rainbows belong to all of us.

I think Mitt Romney will beat Barak Obama.

I think people will be surprised that having a Mormon in office is not the end of the world.

I think December 21, 2012 won't be the end of the world either -- but I think we should have a party anyway.

I think I don't think about current events very often anymore.

I think I don't miss it much.

I think I walk about a half mile when mow my grass.

I think my oldest daughter will break hearts some day.

I think my youngest daughter will break someone's nose someday.

I think my wife has earned every one of her "silver highlights" and she's never been more beautiful.

I think my son will pass me in height, strength and genuine coolness, faster than I want to admit.

I think the mother who was arrested in Salt Lake, Sunday night, for taking her nine month old and her two year old, along on a drive-by shooting,  is not a very good mother.

I think blogging every day is a giant pain in the posterior, but so are a lot of other things I do every day.

I think if you are still reading this, you are a true and loyal friend, and if I had anything to give you, I would....but I don't.

So, you'll just have to settle for a piece of my mind.

Genius Picks Me A Playlist

I'm listening to old music tonight.

It didn't used to be old, it used to be the current music -- the stuff the radio played.

iTunes has this great feature called Genius. You pick a song, and click the Genius button, and it creates a playlist of twenty five songs that Genius thinks you'll also like. Tonight I picked Summer of '69, by Bryan Adams, and we'll see where Genius takes us...

These songs take me back, like a time machine, or a crystal ball. 

I see things that I did, and places that I knew. I see people that I have forgotten, and uncover feelings that I didn't remember burying. 

These are the songs that wrote my story. I'm not even going to tell you what these songs mean to me, but I'll bet they mean something to you too...

Summer of '69 -- Bryan Adams

I Remember You -- Skid Row

Never Say Goodbye --Bon Jovi

Can't Fight this Feeling -- REO Speedwagon

Winds of Change -- The Scorpions

Carrie -- Europe

Rosanna -- Toto

Come Sail Away -- Styx

The Search is Over -- Survivor

I Want to Know What Love Is -- Foreigner

Wanted Dead or Alive -- Bon Jovi

Jack and Diane -- John Mellencamp

Every Rose Has it's Thorn -- Poison

Alone -- Heart

Another Brick in the Wall,  Part 2 -- Pink Floyd

Dreams -- Van Halen

Take Me Home -- Phil Collins

Desire -- U2

Devil Inside -- INXS

The Boxer -- Simon and Garfunkel

Walk Like an Egyptian -- The Bangles

Glory Days -- Bruce Springsteen

Amanda -- Boston

Total Eclipse of the Heart -- Bonnie Tyler

The Living Years -- Mike and the Mechanics

Not too bad Genius, not too bad at all.

It wasn't a great post -- but it's a post!

Nothing I Wouldn't Do for You

There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. 

I watched you take your first breath, I saw the life fill your eyes.

I knew you before you knew me. 

I held you before you held me. 

But, you changed me, before I changed you.

I would give my last year, my last day, my last hour for you. 

I would give you my last breath. 

I would walk with you, I would let you run. 

I would let you run farther, I would lift you up.

I would raise you on my shoulders, I would raise you as high as I can go.

But you'll climb higher than that. 

I would teach you, I would be taught by you.

I would present you at the feet of unworthy kings and magistrates, and they would know to bow low.

I would carry your name on my lips to the farthest corners of the farthest ends of this world. And every other world. 

I would keep you forever. 

To the right one, I would give you away.  

I would hold back Earth and Hell for you. 

I would give you all that I have. 

I would give you more than I'll ever have. 

I would hold your hand. 

I would know your heart.

I would cheer for you, I would weep with you. 

I would never leave you, I would live for your smile. And your laughter. And your tears and your triumphs. 

I would serve you.

I would serve by your side.

I would be a better man for you.

I would be noble, because you are noble.

I would see you with my last waking moment. 

I would feel your touch on my hand, when all else has faded to shadow.

I would love you, for longer than life or space or time. 

 I would be your father. 

366: Week 23 (A week in motion)

Day 163

June 10: My wife suggested that I try taking pictures for a week, with the theme of "motion." This means a LOT of blurry pictures -- but if you can capture the blurry right...

Here's Jordan rocking not one but TWO hula hoops!

Day 164

June 11: Two kids swinging. One kid ejecting. They weren't jumping out good enough for me, so I showed them how... I remember becoming airborne, and thinking "this is going to hurt." The next thing I knew, I was lying face down in the grass. And my shoes were gone. They tell me there was also a spectacular cartwheel at the finale. 

Day 165

June 12: I hiked up this little river, that I'm sure must have a name, and found this little waterfall hiding off in a corner of the bank.

This was the first time I hiked to photograph a waterfall this week -- it would not be the last.

Day 166

June 13: I set my camera on a long exposure. Have you wondered what the entire life of a sparkler looks like? Pretty radiant isn't it?

I'm pretty sure this was illegal.

Day 167

June 14: Soccer practice. If Matt could play or even practice soccer all day, every day, he would.

Incidentally, he does not play for BYU, he just lives in those shorts (and he has for three years). The finally almost fit him.

Day 168

June 15: We have a new shopping, dining and entertainment area in Farmington. Friday night was the official unveiling of the musical water fountain. It was very colorful.

And full of motion.

Day 169: Part One

June 16: My son and I hiked to Donut Falls this afternoon. I was so struck by the beauty of the flowing water from inside the grotto at the falls, that I decided to post a bonus picture, in addition to the picture below.

By the way, spending the day before Father's Day, with your son, hiking up the face of a waterfall, to see this sight....I can't imagine a better way to spend an afternoon.

I am the luckiest father of all time.

Part Two

It turns out backflips, like jumping out of swings, are activities perhaps best left to the younger crowd.

Where's the ibuprofen?

(actually, it wouldn't have hurt so much, except that it took 125 shots to get this one -- and that was after the hike...)