Saturday, June 19, 2010

Lonesome

I'm sitting in the lobby of a motel in Cedar City, 250 miles from home.

It's late, I'm tired and lonely as I've been in a long time.

I'm not cut out for this solo traveling thing. I miss my family, and wish I were home tonight.

Whenever I go away on my own, which isn't frequently, I always look forward to it. I enjoy going places, I enjoy long drives and I occasionally crave solitude. But in the late hours, when I sit alone, it never fails, I only want to be home. It's hard to go to sleep without a hug.

It's hard to end my day without the soft kiss on my cheek, and the whisper of "Goodnight Daddy" in my ear.

It's hard to not get the World Cup update from my son, as I watch his eyes light up like a birthday cake.

It's hard to sleep in a bed alone -- I left that life behind long ago.

As I sat on a quiet bench in a serene and beautiful place today, and thought about my family, I started to cry.

I'll see them all tomorrow, but what brought the tears was thinking about how heartbroken I would be if I never did. If I never held Sharon's hand again, or watched as Jordan blossomed into a beautiful young woman, or played catch with Matt or listened to Emma convince me, for the hundredth time, that she is the smartest person on earth, my life would be no life at all.

If you're reading this Sharon, I love you. If the kids are asleep, please look in on them for me. Take in the beauty of the three miracles we have created, and know that I am thinking of them too. And you...

When canyons were mountains and oceans were raindrops, I loved you. When the stars blink out of existence, I'll still love you.

I love you with all my heart, and I always have.

10 comments:

Kat said...

You are making me cry.

So completely sweet.

Sometimes all we need is just a bit of time away to realize exactly how lucky we are. :)

Happy Father's Day to you.

Pam Emmons said...

Thanks for making me cry.
I assume you are down there for photos, you're a good man.
I think you might be tasting a little of what Pete is going through, I know he desperately misses his family.
You are such a great dad, and Sharon is a lucky woman.

Mom24 said...

That's so incredibly sweet. I envy you that you can "speak" your emotions, my hubby can't do that, can't seem to realize how lucky he is with his 4 kids and it makes me sad.

Sharon said...

I love you, sweetheart! I missed seeing you on the couch when I came home last night and being able to give you a hug and tell you about my day. Happy Father's day - can't wait to see you this afternoon. My life would suck without you! :)

Sharon said...

I love you daddy and i miss you a lot. I started to cry too. Happy Father's Day Daddy.


P.S. Your the greatest dad in the world.

Love jordan ;)

Aaron said...

I was going to post something snarky......


...just doesn't fit on this one.

Happy Fathers Day.

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

Sometimes I miss my job, but I never miss traveling alone. I did many solo trips - nothing induces insomnia quite like an big empty bed in a bland hotel room.

Hope you had a lovely fathers day at home, with your family, right where you belong!!

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Sharon,
You are one seriously lucky woman.

Jordan,
You are one seriously sweet daughter.

Chris, you are one seriously awesome man and thank you for sharing your feelings with us and reminding us how important our families are to us too!

Emmy said...

So sorry, hope you are home now. And absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Honey Mommy said...

This is a beautiful post.

I know my husband feels the same, even if he can't express it the way you do. :o)