Saturday, January 30, 2010

Listen!....Do you smell something?

The 80's

Just writing those words, like, gags me with a spoon!

I HATE the 80's. The neon colors make me want to wash my eyeballs with clorox. The hair was a fire hazard. The parachute pants make me want to take a long leap off a short pier. The music makes, what's left of the hair on my arm, bristle. The Brat Pack should have been sent to bed without supper.

The 1980's were the most self indulgent, paper thin, phony, superficial time in history. Yes, in HISTORY! I've done the research. I get queasy every time I see Molly Ringwald, or Andrew McCarthy. On that odd occasion that I pass by a radio blaring some 1980's inanity (Wham! or The Thompson Twins or Tears for Fears or......) I go looking for an ice pick to poke holes in my ear drums. I HATE the 80's!



The problem is iTunes.

I'll log on to the iTunes store, innocently searching for some obscure song I heard in the credits of some television show the night before and, INEVITABLY, some title of some 80's song will catch my eye. I try to resist -- already knowing where this path lies. But it keeps calling to me...

"Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssss. ChrrrrriiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiisssssssssss. Click on me. Please. I'm not like the other stupid songs. I love you. And you love me. We complete each other. Go ahead.....everybody's doing it...."

And, I click.

And then I click on another, and another, and another -- and hours go by. What starts with "Don't Stop Believin'" from the Glee soundtrack becomes the original version from Journey. From Journey it's a quick step to "The Search is Over" by Survivor. From Survivor to Bryan Adams, from Bryan Adams to Cheap Trick to Eddie Money to Europe.


I bought "Carrie" by Europe today. This is how low I have sunk. I also bought "Walk like an Egyptian" by the Bangles. And..."Lost in your Eyes" by Debbie Gibson!!!!

Would you like to hear the worst part?

I've actually been listening to them, because...

I kind of like them. Please don't tell anyone. 

I'm actually craving LOVE BOAT reruns! I need a therapist -- or at least some commiseration. They say misery loves company...

So I'm going to throw out a few obscene words to get you started and drag you down with me:

Like a Virgin, Huxtable, Beat it, Weird Science, Ferris, Bangles, Don't Worry, Be Happy, Starship, Air Supply, Tiffany, Lionel Richie, Bonnie Tyler, Alex P. Keaton, Shout, Duran Duran, Care Bears, Milli Vanilli, Every Rose Has it's thorn, You give love a bad name, Pour some sugar on me in the name of love, NORM!, The Final Countdown, Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis, I pity the fool! De Plane!, Excellent!, Bogus!, Condorman!, Sweep the leg, Wax on Wax off, Nobody puts Baby in a corner, Footloose, Need input, We are the world, Never tear us apart, I know you're out there somewhere, Time after time, Crazy for you, Don't dream it's over, I can feel it coming in the air tonight, denim, ghetto blaster, break dance...

I think that's enough.

Are you secretly, or not so secretly, crushing on the 80's? Do you have friendship bracelets and jelly shoes? When no one is looking, do you spray your bangs into a CLAW? Do you like to walk like an egyptian? Would you wear Spandex all day, every day -- if it wasn't a capital crime? Let's play word association: I'll say

"The 80's"

And you say...


Kristen said...

"Where's the Beef?"

I happen to LOVE the 80's...especially the music. I bought Jeff a collection of 80's music several years back. I think there are 12 CDs full of a wide variety of 80's classics. LOVE IT!

Corey~living and loving said...

Pegged pants! Rick Springfield! Rocky! and so many wonderful songs I can't even begin to name them. sigh....80's music is wonderful.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Are you kidding? I was actually wondering if I could ever read here again since you were harshing on my decade.

It's been said that we start reminiscing when we hit our forties and you've got it bad...

Emmy said...

I had Walk Like an Egyptian on a record! Used to play it all of the time.

I must admit there is a lot of music I like from the 80's.. the rest of it.. yeah not so much.

Mom24 said...

I love the 80's. Ahhh, the memories. High school graduation, the prom, getting married, our first baby...

All great memories marked in music.

Pam Emmons said...

Ok, honestly at the moment I am so flippin tired, I can't read the whole post. I SWEAR I will, though.
But, it's funny... I was just thinking the other day how I HOPE that the 80's fashions don't hit the states like they have hit Europe. It's disgusting, really. Big bangs for the girls, long bangs in the eyes for the boys. High top sneakers, not tied, with dark black tight jeans. Big puffy jackets, totally RAD colors (not).
I have to say, though, that 80's music is addicting. As much as I make fun of Pete for having so much of it, I secretly listen to it when he's not home (shhh... don't tell). I grew up dancing and performing to that stuff.

Robyn said...

My husband always seems to stumble upon the 80 downloads that I buy and doesn't get it. I do exactly what you do only I don't buy every one.

Heidi said...

I don't remember the 80's, I was too young. :p

Well, maybe I remember the carebears. And wax on wax off, and.... OH, &^%&^%&* you!

Emily said...

Wow. Way to let that all out. Do you feel better now? :)
You're not alone...I've totally got 80s on my ipod...although I don't think I'm as obsessed as you.

Aaron said...

I will only say "Where the H--- is my award!?!?" I gave it to you, you blogged about award.

About the post.....everyone reading this should know that Chris is a liar. He loved the 80's.......Chris, lest you forget without the 80's you would have never had your:

Spuds McKenzie high top sneakers.

Back to the Future Denim jacket.



Van Halen 5150

Big Trouble in Little China

Summer School

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Your rat-tail braid and the beads you had in it for over two years (Yes folks....that's right he had a really long rat-tail braid...ask him about it.)

Your pinned denim pants (with saftey pins all over your back pack and jean jacket and down the seam of your pants)


Your 'Depeshe Mode' phase (With a little added dash of 'The Cure') hated the 80's.....hahahaha

Chris said...

Oh shut up.

koreen (aka: winn) said...

OMG I thought I was going to have to get the hate on! You can't diss the 80's BECAUSE they were so obviously self-indulgent and narcissistic. They knew it; they OWNED it. That deserves a LITTLE respect.

80's music will always rule. 80's fashion rocks... but only in my memory where it needs to stay in all it's Banana Republic/Cotton Ginny rainbow-colored glory. Some things DO need to stay buried. Like fold-tucking jeans bottoms, stirrup pants, and jelly bracelets.

Need I say more? ;)

Anonymous said...

I was born in the 80s so I don't get to fully appreciate it all and some of it I loathe. But there is a considerable amount of 80's that I just love. Especially movies - The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Ghost Busters, Beetlejuice, Beaches, Big, yep love the movies. And the cartoons. Cartoons of the 80s put cartoons now to shame. :) And friendship bracelets?! I had a fairly profitable little business in those days. haha

Thanks for the memories.

Milk and Honey Mommy said...


I was beginning to wonder and agree w/imbeingheldhostage. I am forever stuck in the '80's and I don't see any way out of it. Why bother? I'm hooked. I'm not sure if I read toooooo quickly, but did you forget Depeche Mode? They are one of the reasons I haven't been able to break free. I attended their concert last year and it was totally fabulous, totally awesome :).

I love the '80's for every single reason you mentioned. Oh, goodness, we were so self-indulgent.

Lindsay said...

Garbage pail kids!

Gosh darn I love the 80's! Like - no duh!

I had the bracelets (as you already know), the jelly shoes that seriously need a warning label on for when they get wet, my bangs were known as "the wall," and I did rolleSKATING skits in my Whitney Houston. Yeah baby.

Suzanne said...

I don't know if we can be friends if you HATE the 80's!!!! I'm a child of the 80's - my most impressionable years (age 10-20) were in that decade! NEVER has music been so good, nor can it be again! But, I could totally do WITHOUT the mullet my husband sported!! The 80's take my husband to his "happy place" - SERIOUSLY!