Thursday, September 10, 2009

Photostory Friday & Give Me Your Best Shot: Words fail me

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lolli



How do I tell you about my daughter Jordan, who turned twelve this week?




I've been sitting here for nearly an hour, staring at a blank page. Starting, thinking and starting over. Words fail me.




How do I tell you that Jordan is my favorite subject to photograph?




How do I tell you that Jordan is grace and elegance, like her mother?




How do I tell you that Jordan radiates beauty from her core?




How can I help you to see that aging doesn't really bother me (I've come to terms -- mostly -- with what I am, and what I am not), but watching Jordan grow up -- more than my other children -- is emotionally conflicting for me?




How can I explain the odd, but powerful combination of quiet pride, and melancholy I feel as I watch her step -- sometimes with caution, sometimes with certainty -- into womanhood?




How do I describe the fear of knowing that I have to let go of her hand, and the confidence I have that she can make good decisions?




How can I tell you that sometimes the stunning young woman standing before me seems light years from the beautiful little blonde girl, with the big blue eyes, I once carried in my arms, but when I see those eyes through my lens, I'm as hypnotized as I ever was?




How can I long for her to stay as she is, when I know she wants to be more?




How do I let her fly without letting her go?




How do I let Jordan know that I'm okay with her growing up?




Because I am.




Except that I'm not.

35 comments:

latree said...

you don't need the words. I believe she can feel all what you feel, more than words can say...

as I can.

Honey Mommy said...

Beautiful post! You captured the essence of love.

Your daughter is a beautiful young woman, and she'll always be your little girl.

Michelle said...

Whoa, I can't believe how much she has changed in the short time I have been reading your blog. She is beautiful.

Someday you are going to bring down the house with your father of the bride speech.

kaye said...

don't let go
just give her room
and trust her judgement

Try not to worry, she won't really go anywhere, she'll just become a really fun grown up person that you'll enjoy as much as you enjoyed every other phase of her life.

grown up kids are pretty great :)

Steph said...

Awww Chris. As usual, you have such a way with words. I have an 11 year old...and you put it just as I would if I were as eloquent as you. Lucky girl to have a daddy like you.

Sharon said...

Wow! Those were some great words! It's amazing how quickly they grow up and how easy it is to remember their births like it was yesterday!

Emily said...

My kids are quite a bit younger than yours and I'm not sure how you have withstood their growing up this long! I can't even come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older much less my babies. My littlest will turn 1 in two weeks...and after that, my baby days are over. It breaks my heart just to think about it. I'm told to constantly embrace the passing of time, but really I just hate it!
And I know you already know this, but Jordan is so beautiful.

Sharon said...

Just tell her. I guarantee she'd like to hear it.

Corey~living and loving said...

DUDE!!!! would you quit being all sappy like that. My heart can't take it.

beautiful...as always.

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my gosh. I am crying. And so moved. She is lovely. And I think it is beautiful that you are recording her growth with these lovely pictures. My son started 4th grade this year and for some reason it is really knocking me for a loop. Watching him grow up is beautiful and painful at the same time. I hope she has a wonderful Birthday. She is so precious.

Kelli @ writing the waves said...

Awesome post. I was holding back tears as I read it...I'm having a hard enough time even sending my little girl to Kindergarten.

Carrie and Troy Keiser said...

I'm so there with ya ..... it is hard, this watching them grow and change and become all that they can...
She is beautiful!

kspinning said...

I've been trying to write a post about my newly 8 yr old daughter and every time I try I end up a big teary mess. But I also am fine with her growing up. This post is it. This is exactly what it feels like. Thank you. This is a lovely tribute...

Mom24 said...

Those are beautiful pictures of a beautiful girl...except, that can't be what twelve looks like, fifteen, maybe? I can't believe how grown up she looks. She's very lucky to have such a supportive daddy.

Wayne said...

What a powerful letter you have wrote there, I dont have children yet but the only thing I can think of is that even though she is growing up and will one day fly the nest, she will be with you forever in your heart, she will always be your litte girl.

great photo friday

Alix said...

Spectacular! Your words and photographs chronicle a lovely span of time where the development of a unique individual from a small child has bloomed.

I myself have a Jordan. An almost 22 year old he. But you gave me pause to remember all the moments of his growing and becoming and all the conflicted feelings I had then - and continue to have now. I guess you never really let go after all.

Congratulations on your POTD mention at authorblog.

Tiaras said...

aww, Chris, this touches me . . . I never - NEVER - want my children to grow up . . . but do we ever as parents?

kris... said...

She looks so grown up and mature for a young lady of only 12. Just beautiful.

~ shi ~ said...

Oh Sweetie!... I know, I know...I just had to let my three daughters go in a time span of two years...It's not fair! and yet, its what you have been waiting for! Sigh...Hug her all you can and hang on the next season of her life will be awesome also! :)

Ryanne said...

That is the tough part, watching them grow, and letting it happen gracefully, and expressing just all those emotions. Great post.(..on a side note, your white on black is killing my eyes!)

Cheffie-Mom said...

Happy Birthday to your beautiful daughter! This is a wonderful post - Congrats on the Post of the Day Award!

Heidi said...

I can tell you why it's emotionlly conflicting to watch your daughter grow up, it's becuase you have to admit the sad hard truth about yourself. You're old. And it's all a down hill slide from here. No more tea parties with daddy. No, now it will be shot gun cleanings when the boys come to pick your daughter up to go for that first date. And trust me, after looking at the progressive photos of your daughter you're going to have to beat the boys off with a stick.
If you'd like to stop by my blog I'm at Cake Crumbs.

Raise Them Up said...

You've said it all so well.

I feel the same way about my boys. But, lucky for me, they respond better to rough-housing than eloquent words. Just give them a solid push, a punch in the arm, a ruffle of the hair, and a great big hug, and their smile says it all.

Kacey R. said...

You got me all teary eyed over here. All I'm thinking is "We don't have to let go! DON'T let go!" But I know that is just the crazy Mama in me who will have to be medicated as her children want to be more independent. :D

Cecily R said...

Beautiful. She is a stunner...in more than just looks. Amazing post.

P.S. I love what Kaye said in her comment. I need to paint that on my wall or something so I can remember it.

Lolli said...

I have a 12 year old daughter myself and I can completely sympathize with your conflicted feelings. The pride you feel for her really shines through.

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Sniff. Of course you're not. Sniff. But they do anyway. What a beautiful girl you have.

CC said...

Wow, wow, wow. My daughter is turning 4 this weekend. She too will grow up?

Maybe one day you can write a tribute to my daughter for me. Just promise you won't tell that you wrote it.

puna said...

What an incredible emotion tribute to a beautiful young lady. She is beautiful and so blessed to have a father who loves her so much.

Hannah Noel said...

What a sweet, beautiful post =)

The end is a slight tear-jerker!

Brian Miller said...

awww....my boys turn 5and 7 this month. they seem to get bigger each day. i know i have time, but i know i don't. may she leave to fly so you can enjoy the view and know you played a part in it. congrats on the POTD.

TechnoBabe said...

A wise parent to know your child wants to be more than what and where you would like to keep her. These are wonderful photos that show the photographer's loving sight.

Kelly Deneen said...

What a beautiful tribute to your daughter. :) Your photos of her are amazing -- I can see how she is your favorite subject.

Momisodes said...

You really do have a way with words...and photographs. She is simply beautiful. I can certainly relate on a few levels with my own daughter. She is still quite young, but time hurries by too quickly.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

I don't know why I missed this last week, but this was amazing.

Your daughter knows. If she doesn't...let her read this and she will.