Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Weirdness -- and Things I Did Once #9

Do you ever think about the way people perceive you?

I do.

I like to believe that people think of me as clever, witty, eclectic, fun, handsome (okay, let's come back down to earth). But the point is, I think of myself as, basically, normal, and I assume that others feel the same way.

Turns out, that ain't necessarily so. My case in point:

You may recall my little arm hair incident, from a few weeks back. If not, here it is in a nutshell: I got a giant glob of foam insulation stuck to my rather hairy arm, and had to shave my right forearm. That's the short version, if you'd like the details, here they are.

Well, a week or so after this traumatic event, my in-laws were over for dinner. They'd been there for MORE THAN AN HOUR, when my mother-in-law couldn't hold it back any longer.

Mother-in-law: Chris, can I ask you a question?

Me: Why certainly, you can ask me anything. You're like a mother to me.

Mother-in-law: Why is half of your right arm shaved?

And before I could answer, my father-in-law pipes in:

Father-in-law: Yeah, I was wondering about that too.

Me: Well, why didn't you just ask me about it?

Father-in-law: Well, I just thought it was one of those weird things that you do.

Mother-in-law: Yeah.



Just how weird do these people think I am? Sure, I've done this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this.....phew......and this. And THIS was a doozy.

But, do you really think I'm weird enough to just randomly shave half of my right arm?

I wonder what else they think I do...

Come to think of it, my parents rarely let me play in the front yard as a child -- and I'm pretty sure they weren't worried about my safety...

And just in case you're still wondering if I'm not just a little cracked...

Things I did once: #9

So, I was about nine or ten, and we'd gone to visit my grandmother. As I walked into the kitchen, I noticed, on the table, a very large serrated bread knife. And naturally I wondered how sharp it was. 

And naturally I wondered what would happen if I drew the knife blade across the palm of my hand. 

And naturally it cut my hand wide open. 

I actually remember thinking -- as I looked at the self inflicted gash on my hand -- "Huh, should have seen that one coming..."


Corey~living and loving said...

heck I think you are smart because you didn't lick the knife. now THAT would have been weird!

debi9kids said...

OMGOSH! I am sure I shouldn't find it funny, but I am giggling anyway.

Why is it funny to me when people hurt themselves???

Pam Emmons said...

Well, I put one of those Cutco knives in my mouth and pulled. Ya, not my brightest move ever.
And, I wouldn't put it past you to shave your arm for no reason. It's like those men who wax their chest just to see what it feels like.

*Please don't ever do that*

koreen (aka: winn) said...

I HAD to read all that stuff. Now I'm wondering how you survived until now. :D It sounds like shaving your arm doesn't even compete with the rest!

Please keep these stories coming. I've got a few of my own, myself, but a female Homer Simpson is less appealing somehow. Don'tcha think?

Aaron said...

A - You don't do weird things....I love your in-laws, but really......c'mon Emmons people...this is Chris NOT Aaron. The weird part is that you only shaved part of one arm....I would have shaved both to look even and make it less noticeable....but this is me.

B - I have never seen you as the weird one, really. I remember *things* you may have done from time that were isolated incidents of weirdness, but what kid didn't. At least you have the balls to tell those stories, most don't.

C - Waxing your chest is nothing Pam. Since I am bald, I once asked a salon if they would wax my head. I thought it would be great to not have to shave ever other day. Went to the salon, she burned me (wax was waaaaay too hot), ripped off a strip of my scalp (bleeding everywhere) and then she had the audacity to sit there and tell me (with all sincerity) that I now understood what women do for men by waxing themselves. I promptly put the wax on my chest and pulled the strip ripping a full clean stripe....didn't hurt (didn't tickle either) but not like my bleeding, throbbing head. She got yelled at....stupid salon lady. One of the few women I have met that made me want to sink my fist in her mouth. My verbal lashing was sting enough.....stupid stupid salon lady.

D - I forgot what I was going to write for 'D', stupid salon lady......stupid.

E - Sorry I didn't call you back last night, call me sometime today if you can......need to talk....haven't in a while.

Heidi said...

Well after that admission witty and clever are out.

I remember one time I couldn't get a stapler to work, so I flipped the lid up rearranged the staples shut it and pressed down. The problem, my thumb was right in the way. That one really hurt.

I'm off to read all the other weird things you've done. :)

Heidi said...

Yeah, that was incredible! Are you really sure you want that stuff out there in cyberspace?

When are you going to post about sticking your tongue to the cold metal pan?

Emily said...

ROTF! You know, the arm shaving thing is more common than you might think. (No, my husband doesn't randomly shave his arm. He's not weird. :P )
And please, please, please post a picture of your high school hair. PLEASE!

{krista} said...

I shot a staple into my finger once just to see what would happen. The wierd things we do.

Can't wait to read what other wierd things you've done!

Emmy said...

Lol! Don't even know if I know what to say.. too too funny.

Emmy said...

Oh and several 365's like the idea of a theme for the days, so you should seriously post a list on your sidebar of your themes. Or we could work together and make some post about it... I know I am in need of some inspiration and ideas as of late.

CDB said...

Ouch!.. OUCH! I'm positive my boy toddler will someday do this also. He puts his flat palm on a space heater, so.. yeah.

Sheri said...

I am rolling on the floor with tears coming out of my eyes reading all your stories of stuff you've done! I love'd the one where your daughter said she was crying because when you were yelling, you were spitting in her eyes! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

I once found my baby sister with a chair pulled up to the stove. She must have been 2 and I must have been 4.5. I knew she must have turned one of the burners on. I felt it was important I figure out which burner it was. What better way to figure it out then to lay my open palm on the burner to figure it out? Yep, figured it out on the first try.