I've never tried to explain this without the accompanying gestures, but here goes:
Have you ever eaten at Famous Dave's Barbeque? If you haven't, you really should -- but, here's something you should NOT do.
On each table at Famous Dave's there is a six pack of squeeze bottles full of various hot sauces --for those whose BBQ is never hot enough, for all of you masochists out there who have something to prove.
I am not one of these people. I like just a little bit of heat -- just a little kick.
I'm secure in my manhood.
I don't feel that meal time needs to be a painful experience.
The problem is...I get a little restless.
On this particular day, I was on a date with my wife and we had just ordered our food. We were engaging in witty conversation, as usual...and then I got fidgety. I started sniffing the VERY FULL bottles of hot sauces.
This is a VERY delicate process. It requires dexterity, and distance. What you want to do is just puff out a little air from the nozzle. And then of course the second half of the equation involves sniffing said air.
For the first four bottles everything went swimmingly. I would puff and sniff and then offer witty observations.
Me: Hot and Sassy: Puff. Sniff. Hmmm. That's Hot and Sassy!
Wife: You are very witty.
Me: Sassy Chipotle: Puff. Sniff. This smells like Chipotle...with Sass!!
Wife: Didn't see that one coming.
Me: Rich and Sassy. Puff. Sniff. Is it me or is there a lot of sass in this room?
Wife: (rolling eyes) How old are you?
Me: Sweet and Zesty. Puff. Sniff. Now that's --
Wife: (looking out the window and sounding bored) Are you going to do this until they bring the food?
And then I got her attention.
Me: (all of this happened in an instant) Devil Spit. Puff (-- WHOOOPS! TOO HARD!!) Sniff!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG! HOLY @$#%@&@!! MY BRAIN IS ON FIRE!!
Wife: Rolling on the floor.
My sinuses were clear for WEEKS!