Just writing those words, like, gags me with a spoon!
I HATE the 80's. The neon colors make me want to wash my eyeballs with clorox. The hair was a fire hazard. The parachute pants make me want to take a long leap off a short pier. The music makes, what's left of the hair on my arm, bristle. The Brat Pack should have been sent to bed without supper.
The 1980's were the most self indulgent, paper thin, phony, superficial time in history. Yes, in HISTORY! I've done the research. I get queasy every time I see Molly Ringwald, or Andrew McCarthy. On that odd occasion that I pass by a radio blaring some 1980's inanity (Wham! or The Thompson Twins or Tears for Fears or......) I go looking for an ice pick to poke holes in my ear drums. I HATE the 80's!
WHY CAN'T I LEAVE THEM ALONE?!
The problem is iTunes.
I'll log on to the iTunes store, innocently searching for some obscure song I heard in the credits of some television show the night before and, INEVITABLY, some title of some 80's song will catch my eye. I try to resist -- already knowing where this path lies. But it keeps calling to me...
"Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssss. ChrrrrriiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiisssssssssss. Click on me. Please. I'm not like the other stupid songs. I love you. And you love me. We complete each other. Go ahead.....everybody's doing it...."
And, I click.
And then I click on another, and another, and another -- and hours go by. What starts with "Don't Stop Believin'" from the Glee soundtrack becomes the original version from Journey. From Journey it's a quick step to "The Search is Over" by Survivor. From Survivor to Bryan Adams, from Bryan Adams to Cheap Trick to Eddie Money to Europe.
I bought "Carrie" by Europe today. This is how low I have sunk. I also bought "Walk like an Egyptian" by the Bangles. And..."Lost in your Eyes" by Debbie Gibson!!!!
Would you like to hear the worst part?
I've actually been listening to them, because...
I kind of like them. Please don't tell anyone.
I'm actually craving LOVE BOAT reruns! I need a therapist -- or at least some commiseration. They say misery loves company...
So I'm going to throw out a few obscene words to get you started and drag you down with me:
Like a Virgin, Huxtable, Beat it, Weird Science, Ferris, Bangles, Don't Worry, Be Happy, Starship, Air Supply, Tiffany, Lionel Richie, Bonnie Tyler, Alex P. Keaton, Shout, Duran Duran, Care Bears, Milli Vanilli, Every Rose Has it's thorn, You give love a bad name, Pour some sugar on me in the name of love, NORM!, The Final Countdown, Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis, I pity the fool! De Plane!, Excellent!, Bogus!, Condorman!, Sweep the leg, Wax on Wax off, Nobody puts Baby in a corner, Footloose, Need input, We are the world, Never tear us apart, I know you're out there somewhere, Time after time, Crazy for you, Don't dream it's over, I can feel it coming in the air tonight, denim, ghetto blaster, break dance...
I think that's enough.
Are you secretly, or not so secretly, crushing on the 80's? Do you have friendship bracelets and jelly shoes? When no one is looking, do you spray your bangs into a CLAW? Do you like to walk like an egyptian? Would you wear Spandex all day, every day -- if it wasn't a capital crime? Let's play word association: I'll say
And you say...