Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Boba Fett: The Ultimate Poser

Ask almost any red blooded, oxygen inhaling, earth walking male, between the ages of zero and sixty, and he'll tell you the coolest looking character in the Star Wars universe is one of two people --


This guy


Or this guy


Or, occasionally, this guy.


But mostly this guy, Boba Fett. 

Ask anyone to show you a picture of a bounty hunter, and you'll either get a picture of Boba Fett, or this guy:



Ask any kid from the 1980's who was the ultimate Star Wars action figure?

You guessed it.



Since 1980, Boba Fett has been the ultimate definition of not only cool, but also deadly. He has developed a reputation as the baddest of the bad asses when it comes to bounty hunting, and flying around in his rocket pack and shooting his wrist cable, and just looking really, really, REALLY cool. And awesome. And deadly. And intense.

There's no denying that Boba Fett looks cool. That scarred helmet. That rocket back pack. That gun. That space ship. That little skull insignia thing on his shoulder. That little half cape. Boba Fett was designed by a boy, no doubt about it. He's looks like a knight and an assassin and a race car driver, all at the same time.

But I'm here to make the case that Boba Fett was actually the ultimate poser.

What have we really ever seen him do?

Unless you want to go back to the Star Wars Holiday Special -- and I don't think anyone really wants to do that -- Boba Fett came on the scene in the Empire Strikes back, when the Empire assembled the most feared collection of bounty hunters in the galaxy, to track down Han Solo (not an easy task -- just ask Greedo. Yes, Han shot first, but don't change the subject).




When we first see Boba Fett, he's standing amongst the other bounty hunters, and I have to think these guys were brought in just to make Boba Fett look cool by comparison. I mean one guy looks like a cross between a pig and a crocodile, one guy looks like the Mummy, one looks like The Fly, and the last one looks like a stop light. It doesn't take much for Boba Fett to be the coolest looking guy in the room.

All he ever does is pose.

And what do we learn? He has a reputation for disintegrating his captives. Well, that's convenient, isn't it? How do you know he didn't sweep up a pile of dirt in his kitchen, and then try to collect a bounty? So, what have we learned, so far? He stands around, posing, and he's lazy.

But, you say, he caught Han Solo!

Whatever.




What did he really do? He hung out in the garbage, and then followed the Millennium Falcon to Cloud City, where he let the government (the Empire) do all the hard work, while he stood around -- you guessed it -- nodding his head and looking cool, and collecting a big fat paycheck, from another big fat bloated government official. He even whined about the way Darth Vader was going to do his job for him:




"He's no good to me dead!"

Boba Fett was a mooch. Oh sure he had a rough childhood -- saw his dad, who was also his clone (weird) beheaded -- but seriously, pretty boy, pull it together and make something of yourself.




When it finally came time to put up or shut up -- when the chips were finally down and the moment demanded action -- Boba Fett folded like a chump.





Some warrior. All he made were mistakes. In a fight between blaster and lightsaber, lightsaber wins every time. And a wrist cable? Around a Jedi? Why don't you just toilet paper him, Boba? And finally, never -- EVER -- turn your back on an enemy! How did Boba Fett meet his end? One could say that it was greed that did him in, after all it was his own prize that finally took him out.




That's right. Boba Fett was taken out by a blind Han Solo, and his seeing eye Wookie.

Han, inadvertently sent Boba Fett to the most ignominious of fates -- chewed up by a belching hole in the ground, and slowly digested over the next thousand years.




Boba Fett, the Ultimate bounty hunter? 








More like Booba Fett, the Ultimate poser. 




3 comments:

hebba said...

that was awesome! I always thought Boba Fett was a little shady, myself.

Cecil Fuson said...

Heres the issue, There are a number of books that go in to what makes boba the baddest dude to ever live in star wars.
While your post is cute. It s wrong because you did not bother to look into the man before making the comment.

Julio Vasquez said...

as much as I'd like to agree with Cecil, we all know what comes next.... anything NOT in the movies is NOT CANON. So it is what it is. :(